These past few months have sent me into a state of reassessing my own values and goals. Focused on a new career path and working with individuals who are afflicted with substance use/addiction, there is much that has caused some liberation and consternation in where I am at. One of these involved the question as to whether or not I am living up to the particular standards taught within the context of scripture. Because of this reassessment and awareness, I have decided to completely and wholly remove myself from any form of apologetic research, study and discussion thereof.
This is not to say that I had spent my time wasting in the pursuit of knowledge and understanding the nature of Christian history, thought, and development. I am ever grateful in that I have come to know and appreciate the heritage that has come down through the ages. Despite this, the reality came about in how my approach became more of a sense of ego defense and arrogance in my approach, behavior, and thought process.
So, where is it that I stand today in relationship to religion, spirituality, and living out the Gospel of Jesus Christ? An honest answer is the awareness of going back to the basic fundamental truths of what the Gospel is, what it entails and the true purpose of living with meaning and truth. Where ever this leads me is yet to be determined. However, it does not mean that I am left in a state of limbo.
Liberation comes through the aspect of acceptance and self-awareness of one’s past and one’s past experiences. My pursuit to debate and defend a particular set of doctrines had become a form of addiction. With all addictions, it became consuming to where important aspects of my life were no longer valid and pertinent. Along with this, ego settled in and got into the way of expounding on simple teachings and truth and became a hammer of arrogance and over-confidence when engaged with other people.
Sadly, several had warned me. Yet, this warning went unheeded because of the prevailing thoughts that danced around in my own head. The only solace is that having acknowledged one’s mistakes and admittance to one’s powerlessness over the nature of my infatuation with proving others wrong is what brought me to this particular crossroads.
The only thing left is to move forward with a new hope and fresh perspective in life and reclaim my own dignity and integrity. Therefore, to those whom I have offended, I offer my heartfelt apologies. And, while there is no way I am able to go back to unring that bell, there is a renewed commitment in looking forward with hope and peace for what life I have remaining.
With that said, I will be disbanding Mormon Apologia and shifting this blog into something more meaningful and significant. That is to present a more simple aspect of what it means to live a consecrated life as a Christian and Disciple of Jesus Christ. It is no longer about doctrines, it is about living our lives with purpose and meaning in this day and age.
The career that I am beginning in has provided several pertinent moments of self-evaluation and reflection in who I want to become and where I am heading.
As far as where that leaves me in my membership with any given church, it is yet to be determined and the journey is not completed.
Thank you all for engaging in the conversations we have had on this blog and sharing your thoughts. However, with changes comes new perceptions and values and apologetics no longer has room in my life.